Do you realize how often we ask that question and how often it is asked of us? For most of my life I had an easy answer. “I work for (fill in the blank), I’m back in school, I am home with small kids or I own a business.” It was easy to give an answer that people would respond to in a positive way, and even want to carry on an intelligent conversation with me.

     Four years ago I found myself in a different situation. My youngest left for college and we moved to a new town, leaving a job I loved behind. My husband had 6 weeks vacation with his company (not that he can ever get away to take it all), and was still recovering from cancer surgery when we moved. He was doing great, but it was a reality check for us. We learned that you never know what might happen and you should take time to enjoy life. I applied for a few positions after the move. One was high-powered, and I was told that those who worked there had “no life” besides work. I also applied for a couple of entry-level jobs and was told I was overqualified. In other words, 25 years old don’t want a 40 something working for them. I found that most available jobs insisted you work nights, weekends and often holidays. I just wasn’t willing to do that. I didn’t want to wait a year to have a week of vacation when my husband could travel and my kids were getting ready to leave home. My old job had spoiled me with great hours, good pay and most importantly…flexibility. So, we decided as a family that I wouldn’t return to work…at least not now.

     So, I am at home…without children. I am not retired and I hate the word housewife, I always have. I am undefined. People look at you funny when they know you don’t have children at home and you don’t work outside of the home. I have had people say “I could never just sit home and do nothing all day.” Someone, (a relative on his side) said to me accusingly, “you aren’t even looking for a job!” Right…I’m not, my choice and why the hell do you care? Of course there is always the, “must be nice.” It is a sacrifice for me not to bring in a paycheck. There are things we don’t buy or do that we used to. I did however get to move my child across the country, and I can visit her when I want or need to. I won’t trade that opportunity just so I can drive a newer car, or get that big television set I’d love to have.

     I know that I don’t sit on the couch all day eating Godiva chocolates. Well, most days I don’t! I have a routine, our lives are pretty organized these days and it works for us. Sometimes I wake up and think how wonderful it is to have an entire day to do whatever I want! Other days I’m not completely happy with the situation and I do miss working. The days I have a migraine, or the weather is horrible, I am thrilled to be able to stay home. It isn’t perfect, but it is the best for my family right now. I’ve never really cared what other people think of me anyway. If I could just come up with a clever answer to that dreaded question.